(Approach a group of women) I’m gonna have sex with you, you, and you. Alright, who’s first?

(hold out hand) Would you hold this for me while I go for a walk?

(steps on some ice) Now that the ice is broken, what’s your name?

[Look at her shirt label.] When they say, “What are you doing?” You respond: “Yep! Made in heaven!”

[man] Excuse me, would you like to dance? [women] NO! [man] Maybe u didn’t hear me…. I said u look really fat in those pants!

A face without freckles is like a night sky without stars.

Although you seem content, you also seem quite alone over here. Can I interrupt your reverie?