Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you everyone else disappears.

The fact that I’m missing my teeth just means that there’s more room for your tongue.

If I can’t buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.

Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.

Crap. Something is wrong with my cell phone. {Oh Really. What is that?} Its just that…your numbers not in it.